Down On Ferry Farm

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am NOT a good speaker. Somehow words just get tied up when I try to say them. I know what I’m talking about – really – but my mouth fails me and I sound like I’m making it all up. I realize it when I start pontificating on whatever the subject might be. I get bumfuzzled just hearing my own voice and before I know it I’m stammering and stuttering all over the place. I try to pacify myself by saying “boy, I wish I could talk today”. That usually slows me down and I get the words out a little better. But then it happens: the pause. I’ll start going down the road of a really informative sentence and then – pause – there’s this huge gap and my mind goes blank a little. I start staying short phrases that mean the word I was trying to say. I hate that. I wish there was a cure. There are not a lot of people in the world who know a particular tid-bit about me… probably just my family. When I was in 4th grade I saw a speech therapist because I had a lisp....

I think I have finally recuperated from my birthday bash. Superman and I spent most of last weekend recording some cover songs that we’ve been trying to get done for quite some time. Friday night we got a lot done but by nightfall on Saturday I was pretty wore out. We were up until the wee hours of the morning. I spent most of Sunday bleary-eyed. The biggest problem I have at work is the ability to find a parking space. When I arrive in the morning, parking spaces are fairly plentiful where I want to park – near the door closest to my desk. God forbid you go to lunch because you will not have a spot when you come back. They have an ‘auxiliary’ parking area which is known as the “loser’s lot” and is a bit of a walk from the building. Today, when I got back from lunch, no spaces at the office… no spaces at the “loser’s lot”. What’s a boy to do? I ended up parking in the lot on the back end of a neighboring office building and making the hike back to the office. I really dread election ti...

Last night the people that I used to work with threw me a birthday bash. It was all very cool and laid back. All the usual suspects were there: A-girl, S-girl, G-lady, etc. Some new players were also there and a good time was had by most. Here’s the timeline as I remember it. Things are, of course, a little fuzzy: 7:00 pm – I arrived at a pub down by the beach. It’s called Abbey Road and is – of course – “Beatles” themed. I arrive at the hostess station and tell the cute little girl I’m here for the party, giving her the name that the party is under. Without saying a word, she turns and goes around the corner in the back of the place. She’s gone for about 2 minutes while I’m standing there like a dork. She returns and says she does have a reservation under that name but she didn’t realize it. She gets me to a table not far away set up to seat about 12 people. I’m sitting at this big empty by myself for 20 minutes getting the disapproving glances from passers-by. 7:15 pm – I make a de...

First, a big thank you to my U.K. contingency: God save the Queen because your P.M. is pretty much hated. Ouch! On to new business... here in the states is the opening Sunday for football -- the American kind. The season officially started last Thursday with Pittsburgh defeating Miami (sorry, Superman). Mowed the lawn today. I don't care what the calendar says, it's still hot out there. I got a little queasy again and had to come in and sit for a few minutes. Can hardly wait until I don't have to mow again for the season. It's been a rough one. Short and to the point.

I think people are beginning to lose language skills. I mean, I’m not saying I’m perfect but others in this world are using language wrong. Let me elucidate: I went looking for some software that performed a particular function for a project I was working on at the office. I browsed to my favorite search engine and typed something that had both ‘free’ and ‘software’. It comes up with several thousand responses. Fine. I open several of the links to find that this software is, in fact, NOT free. On many of them were the phrases ‘the software is absolutely free’ and ‘it only costs xx dollars’. What? Then I notice their ‘catch’. The way some of them put it is ‘click here for the free download’. How does that work? I have to pay for the software but to download it is free? That makes no sense. Free: provided without charge and not subject to payment. Of course there are others that work it differently. Some will ask you to take a ‘brief’ survey (which takes an hour), or you have to fill out...

You remember back in your school days when it came to picking teams? Two players were chosen as captains and the rest of the rabble would picked to be on one of the two teams. Invariable, the kid with no apparent sports talent would be picked last. This ended up being either the fat kid or the geeky kid who knew the formula for pi. In some cases it would turn out that there was an odd number of players and – true to form – one of the team captains would shout “all time quarterback!” wherein everyone else would groan. On certain occasions, when there was a real grudge match and nobody wanted to play both sides, that last kid would be asked to step aside and let the others play. Let’s just say that kid was none too happy about sitting on the sidelines. It’s like that in our adult life, too. As men, we stand at the bar and wait for single young women to pick us to be on their team. We do a lot more bargaining to be on their team than we did when we were kids, but the sentiment is still th...

You know, I realized something sitting here in front of my computer. I’ll tell you what the realization is and then I’ll try my best to defend my point. Here goes: I am my own child Hear me out, try and follow my thinking on this one: - I am responsible for my well-being - I have to get myself up in the morning - I am the one who has to get myself cleaned up and fed in the morning - Did I have homework? If so, did I get a chance to check it? - Who else is going to bring me to work but me? - I am the one who has to feed myself at lunch time - You see where I’m going here… Isn’t that what we are for kids? We are basically responsible for everything in their lives. We tend to their livelihoods and make sure they get what they need to be well-meaning members of society. That’s what I do for myself. I make sure I am a functioning cog in this great big wheel of life. There should be some playtime in there. There should also be some crea...

Okay, I just have a quick rant and then I’ll leave you alone. So I needed to get my hair cut and I went to the place I usually go to have this service provided. It’s your typical hair-cutting establishment in a franchise place. I walk in and there are 3 guys waiting and 2 women. I’m looking at the guys thinking that they’re waiting for their wives/girlfriends to finish getting their hair cut because their hair is so short already. Anyhow, one of the hair-cutting ladies comes out and calls one of them up, I’m thinking, “if my hair was that short, I wouldn’t be here because he clearly does NOT need a haircut”. But, whatever… Another hair stylist comes and gets one of the other guys. Again, would not need my hair cut if it was this short. It becomes obvious to me that these are Navy guys. Thing I can’t understand is: Why are they spending $12 to get .00001 inch of hair cut off when they could get that done for free on base? I know what you’re thinking: “It’s because the hair stylists here...

This time out the subject is Top 10 Cartoon Duo’s. I was only going to make this a Top 5 list but I had so many entries to work with, I added the last 5. Here’s the list is no particular order – wait, that’s not right… 10. Ren & Stimpy: Call this entry the ‘Odd Couple’ of the group. A cat and a dog (I think) living together and making their way despite their obvious instincts to be sworn enemies. I have to admit that this cartoon was hard to watch sometimes because of the ‘gross’ nature of both characters – pooping and boogers a big part of the vernacular. “Oh, Re-e-e-n?”, “Yes, Stimpy!” 9. Inspector Gadget & Penny: An uncle and his niece go around solving crimes against Dr. Claw. It was actually Gadget and his dog, Brain, that tried to solve the crimes and Penny that actually solved them. She would tell Brain the solution and that crazy dog would expend a great deal of energy trying to make the Inspector understand the solution. Finally, when Inspector Gadget would ‘stumble...

To whom it may concern: A few years ago I made a widely released film with my then-girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez. Let me be clear about this: we knew when we were making it that it wasn’t that good. Did we think it was the worst movie ever made? No. We didn’t write it, we didn’t direct it… we just acted in it. We took a lot of time, money and energy to make this film. We hired people like Christopher Walken and Al Pacino to be in the damn thing. I had just come off a little film called Daredevil (where I met my current wife – more on that later) and Jennifer just came off making “Maid In Manhattan” and we just figured – what the hey. Bottom line: I’ve seen Jennifer Lopez naked. More than that, I’ve had sex with her on numerous occasions. Can YOU say that? Yeah, I didn’t think so. A few more years go by and she gets married to another guy. A while later, I get married and everyone’s happy, right? (Side note: what the hell was that performance at the Grammy’s all about. Ouch, my ears!) So...

I had one of those “Forrest Gump” moments the other day. I was sitting in my car and noticed a small white feather in the corner of my windshield. If you recall from the movie, the white feather was the device used to connect the beginning of the movie with the end, to remind us that life is just like that feather – floating around and touching the lives of those who need it. There’s a randomness to life that I haven’t yet been able to explain but as my mother used to say “there are just some things in life you can’t explain”. Sometimes you just have to go around your life and deal with what happens. Sometimes you have control over your situation, sometimes you don’t. In either case, you tend to do what you think is best for the situation. There are people that I have run across in this life that have the ‘need’ to believe something. They have to have faith in something or they feel their life is missing something. I guess I’ve never been that kind of person. I never felt like could ev...

He's 40 today...

A while back I was driving to work. It was the first time I was late for my new job because there was an accident on the freeway. It wasn’t just an accident, I’m pretty sure someone got taken away in an ambulance. Of the 4 lanes on the freeway, three of them were taken up with the accident. There were also a dozen or so Police cars and various emergency equipment vehicles. Coming home there were not one but two accidents. The first one was a motorcycle that appeared to have careened off a jersey wall. The other was a bumper-thumper. It amazes me to no end that people will slow down to watch things on the side of the road. If someone pulls to the shoulder to check something in their car – traffic slows down. A hot, leggy blond leans over her Jeep… oh, hell, I’ll even take a peek at that. Why are we so curious about such things? What are we hoping to see? What can we learn from seeing a fire engine hose down a burning car? The answer is this: we don’t see these things every day. It’s ver...

I have talked about a lot of women in my life, but I rarely talk about my mother. My mother and I have always had an interesting relationship. I am the youngest of 4 children. My brother, the oldest, two sisters and me. Some days I’m not sure she knew what to do with me. Long time readers will note that I recently went on vacation with my parents and one of my mother’s sisters. I got the feeling when we were planning this thing that my mother never expected me to go. None of my siblings went but I wanted a vacation. I think I was asked in the casual, backhanded way that people do. Such as: * How are you? * Need anything before I go? * Do you want to eat this before I throw it out? * Were you interested in going to the family reunion? That kind of thing. I don’t think my mother was expecting a “yes” from me. My dad was in the Military and therefore away quite a bit when I was younger. I don’t feel like I knew my dad until I was in my teens. When my brother and sisters moved out, I live...

...to this blog. I have been writing this thing for a year now. A year. Let's recap what has happened in the past year: It all started with A-girl. There were certain forces inside of the company I was working for who were pushing me towards her. She is a "pretty girl" who came back to that company on my last day there. Ultimately it didn't work out because I reminded her of her brother. Ew. Then it was about L-girl. She and I worked pretty closely together. We had lunch just this past week. Ultimately it won't work out because I'm AfricanaAmericanmerican descent. DubDub came next -- or really first. I don't know. I could fill a whole blog with nothing but stories about her. Next, I think I was trying to signal a change... or a maybe the need for a change. Then I got into seeing a lot of movies. Throughout the first year of this blog you'll see a few movie reviews. I turned a year older. I noticed (looking back through them) that a lot of my entries de...

Remind me that on July 16th this blog will be 1 year old. Okay? Every year my family goes to a baseball game of the local AAA Baseball affiliate right around the 4th of July. Right after the game they have a big fireworks display. We've done it the past several years and it's a neat little tradition we have. It was on the 3rd this year. At the baseball game, my niece (I'll just call her my niece for ease of explanation) brought her newly-delivered twins. They are twin girls that weigh 3 and 4 pounds respectively. Yes, they're small (preemies) but they are SOOO cute! Everyone should have the ability to hold a baby and see a real live naked woman whenever they want. Man-law! On the actual 4th, I was over at my brother's house watching him light off fireworks just past his back yard. Driving home from his house I thought about the blatant disregard for the law that people have on the 4th of July -- you see, in the commonwealth of Virginia fireworks are illegal. I hate ...

I went to see Adam Sandler's latest offering this evening. A large part of me wants to tell you the secret to the movie -- a larger part of me wants you to experience this movie for yourself. I will tell you this: there was such a dichotomy in the audience I don't really know what to say. On one hand you had the people who left about halfway through the picture. I counted about 10 -- that's a large number of people to leave the theater and not come back. It's the first time in a very long time I've seen that. I mean, I've seen people NOT show up for a movie but rarely do you see people walk out. On the other hand, it is the first movie I've seen in years where the audience applauded at the end of the film. Not the embarrassed clapping people do when someone starts and they feel compelled to follow. No, this was the "this picture deserves applause" clamoring that I don't recall being a part of in a decade. It used to be that when the film was ov...

Well, once again technology has kicked me in the shins. I did this nice long post about my vacation and the new job and -- poof -- it disappeared like a fart in the wind. Let me try and recap the action: Vacation : as you recall, I was going to a family reunion. One of my mother's sisters drove down, picked us up, and drove the entire way. It was about 1000 miles each way. Let's just say we won't be driving THAT trip again. We blew into town on Friday and didn't do much but acclimate ourselves. My mom and her sister did a little growing up in this small town so we did some site-seeing of their old stomping grounds. Saturday we ended up at one of the cousin's houses for a pool party. We ended up not getting in the pool because it was raining with lightning in the air. The house we were at was beautiful so we just sat around swapping stories about relatives (I didn't have any to share so I just listened to the tales of people I barely know -- it was okay). We were...

I can honestly say that I am now "between jobs". Today was my last day at the current job. I'm going to a family reunion for a week and then starting the new job when I return. There is a huge weight off my shoulders. The lack of tension in my life is palpable (you could cut it with a butter knife). I like this feeling but it's a little scary looking ahead at the unknown. You're talking about someone who is not big in the "confidence" department. I'd like to think that I was pretty confident in my interviews but I suppose I'll never know. I keep thinking that the new company is going to call and say that something is out of whack and the job offer is rescinded. That would suck. That would suck a lot! In other news, I'm addicted to the Falling Sand game. They call it a 'game' but I see it as more of an activity. You be the judge. You'll hear from me in a week -- no sooner.

I went to a local festival today. They've had the party for 30 years now. I say "you've seen one -- you've seen them all". Nothing seemed to have changed since I was there last. There are a bunch of vendors trying to sell their wares and a lot of food places selling food for too much money. You can also see a lot of scantily clad high-school girls, boats in water, cover bands, and strollers (!). There were people drinking beer and every other kind of humanity. There was nothing spectacular or hilarious that happened -- unfortunately. So why did I go? Earlier in the week I got a call from a woman that used to work for the same company I do (don't worry, she's married -- it's not that kind of a story). She was shocked that I was leaving my position for another one. Anyhow, she told me that she and her husband were heading to this HarborFest. One thing you have to understand: she and her husband have a boat. I was thinking we were going to sit on their bo...