Down On Ferry Farm

If you’ve never seen this movie, you must watch it. Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni find such an honest take on life it floored me the first time I saw the movie. I watched it again tonight (nothing on TV and I own the DVD now) and if good movies make you feel something, then this is a good movie. For some reason, this night, I thought about DubDub (she looks like Tea Leoni) and our relationship. I realized as I watched this movie that these two characters are good for each other. In the final analysis, I was good for DubDub but she wasn’t good for me. I had a previously relationship in which that particular young lady was good for me but I wasn’t good for her. That’s the way it has to work… it’s compromise, it’s doing what’s good for both of you, not what’s easiest. There are probably married couples out there reading this saying to themselves that I’m naïve. Maybe so. It’s easy for me to sit on the sidelines and critique what’s going on around me but I’ve been in relationships that were

At the office, we’re doing some ‘spring cleaning’. We have a couple of off-site storage places where we store old paperwork for Human Resources and Accounting and stuff. Anyhow, they announce on Tuesday anyone who wants to help can come in grungy clothing on Wednesday (when the big clean-out is). Fine. I walk in on Wednesday and I’m moving boxes around like I own the place. We’re throwing out garbage, cleaning out closets and, basically, tearing the place apart (in a good way). So I’m out in the parking lot loading some boxes on the back of a pickup and there are more boxes than will fit within my reach of the back end of the pickup. Fine. I decide that I’m going to get into the business end of this VEE-Hicle and continue this macho-man thing I’ve got working. It’s at this point that I should mention A-girl (remember her?) is helping with all this, which is fine by me because she’s a good worker and I like looking at her ass in those jeans. I put my left hand on the outside wall of the

Whether we like it or not, we deal with a lot of things in this world that are not real. There's too much around us that is fake. A few years ago I went to a diner that boasted it was like the diners from the 50's serving real food from that era. There were too many things that were 'low fat' and just for dieters -- I couldn't stand it. Plus, the food just didn't taste good. A basketball player coming out of college can make millions in his first year out yet a soldier in Iraq has to suffer with dust storms. It has a lot to do with the young man's potential and how many times he can put a round rubber ball through a metal hoop. I think our priorities are a little screwed up, in that respect. There's too much that's not on paper -- we've gone virtual, we've become computerized. We store thousands of bytes of data on magnetized pieces of metal. Magnets. One good crayon drawing stuck to the fridge and it's over. Maybe that's a bit over t

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration." Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973) Writer

I've had a couple of days off so I probably should have written sooner but I was doin' stuff. Generally speaking, I've been getting my house in order. Figuratively, I've been "getting my house in order". I took a good hard look at my finances and I was really surprised at what I found. I waste a lot of money. I also spend a lot of money on things that don't stick around -- like food. Good, bad or indifferent I've kept records that I should have thrown away long ago. I have every pay stub from every job I've ever had. It's too bad that some of them don't have more information on them. Sometimes it's funny to see the mistakes on the weeks that they cover. I swear I must have found 5 of them that go something like this: "This check is for dates 10/15 to 10/30" and then the next check says "This check is for dates 10/20 to 10/30". It's very strange but at least I got the money deposited correctly. I was doing some we

It's about doing the same things over and over. It's about going through areas you've already gone through before. It's about seeing the same people day after day. Repetition. I am watching a football game as I write this. One of the things that coaches stress is about repetition. The quarterback drops back in the pocket time after time. He throws the ball downfield again and again. He's "taking reps". The offensive linemen push forward on a run and drop back on a pass. They practice -- sometimes 'two a days' in the hot summer heat. Same thing goes for the defensive linemen. Practice makes perfect. Sharp as a knife. You then start to think about the repetition of life. The sun rises, the seasons change... you keep doing the same things over and over. Drive to work, eat food, go home, watch TV, go to bed. Over and over. Repetition. Practice makes perfect? I am far from perfect. How come the same repetition does not guarantee the same results. "

'DubDub' and I got together for a drink today. We met at a local tavern and talked and laughed and had a good time. The last few times she and I physically saw one another, they were awkward meetings. This one was comfortable -- except for a few moments. At one point the conversation turned to our previous relationship. She explained her side of the story and I explained mine, and for once, I must admit that it made sense. It boiled down to a lack of communication on both our parts. She wasn't telling me how she needed to be handled (which made her get away with a lot), and I wasn't telling her how awful I felt about that (which only made her drift away more). Simple words could have been spoken and we probably never would have broken up. There is still so much there, that's the problem (wait -- why is that a problem?). I still have a lot of feelings for her which frustrates me that we couldn't stay on track. I don't think there were any surprises and I'

Sometimes I hate technology. I had written this great post and when I went to save it, my browser closed on me and I lost the whole thing. Oh, that sucks. I'll try and re-create it here but it's going to be hard. It had something to do with my life: Be yourself but be confident, adjust your expectations, be more comfortable around people, relax. Oh, I'm just not in to writing it again. I'm a bit consumed at dealing with what happened. It's weird. I don't like things like this that I can't explain, so I won't even try. I was watching "Hooking Up" tonight. It was the last episode of the summer series. That guy Mike was all over Kristen (the hottie yoga instructor) but she was not in to him -- and he had no idea. He thought things were progessing nicely but she was just not feelin' it. I feel sorry for him, he was a little blind-sided. I'm tired of talking about the previous post blowing up in my face so I'll say goodnight.

There are three things in this world that can make me feel like a man more than any others: Being pistons-deep, greasy hands into a muscle car I'm fixing up Making passionate love to a beautiful woman Watching football Well... I got one of those anyway. Tonight they're showing the Hall Of Fame game between the Dolphins and the Bears (you were hoping it was the woman, right? Me, too). I can't wait until the season begins. Picture it: Sundays sitting on my ass, being captain of the couch-potato team, watching at least 3 football games. I don't care that the game tonight "doesn't count", it's still football. Okay, the players are not in mid-season form, but it's still football. On another subject, I really like my iPod, but importing all my CD's into iTunes is a pain in the tuckus. I've been at it several days and I'm not even half way through yet. Not that I have that many of them I just can't sit for hours waiting for the software to

I went to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" today. It was a little different. I liked parts of it better than the original and other parts, not so well. I liked how they explained why Willy Wonka was the way he was although the answer seemed pretty simple. I blame the rest on him being a recluse. The only question I have about the movie is: Why did no one want the everlasting gobstopper? They seemed to fill some plot holes in the original and open some new ones. I'll bet the pundits are having a field day. I liked the way it ended and the oompah loompahs were good (we even got to see where they're from). Hung out with Superman for a little while yesterday. He was totally in his element. When he opened his shop he had these 'game nights' on Saturdays but after a while, they became increasingly stressful for him. He didn't like where they were going, so he put a stop to them. After a few weeks of no one showing up on Saturday night, they seem to be bac

You know, I have spent a lot of time lately expending energy in areas that I shouldn't be exploring. I have been told as much -- out loud in plain and simple terms. The problem is that I'm starting towards 40 chronological years of life and turning the ship in a different direction takes a lot of effort. It's almost like I'm looking for someone to come aboard (if I can stay with the whole 'sailing' analogy for a second) and tell me how my ship should be sailed... a 'first mate' if you will. Then again, I am the captain of my own vessel and I should steer it however I'd like. I just feel like I'm holding some broken pieces in my hands... most of which are either not fitting together or falling to the floor. I have to grab the pieces that I think are most important and hold on to them, use them to their full potential and not let them go. My biggest problem is my lack of options. I made some mistakes in my life that lead me to where I am but took a

When I was at work today, I received some weird messages on my answering machine at home. It should be understood that I usually get 1 or 2 messages a month (that's not a typo). When I got home, I had 7 (neither is that). My first thought turned to panic: "Oh my god, someone is dead and they're trying to reach me". But wait, my family knows both my cell phone number and my work number. If it was something like that, they'd get in touch with me either one of those ways. I won't hold you in suspense anymore: Message 1: (lot of background noise... bar maybe?) "Kelly.... I need some help" (caller sounds very drunk but is calling me by name). "I couldn't get a hold of you tonight. Uhhh.... I'll try you later. Call me... please?" Message 2: "Kelly..... I need that number call me at.... " (the rest of the message is indistinguishable, except for the caller saying 'bye'). Message 3: (I hear that same background noise) H

I realized I hadn't updated my progress with A-girl and L-girl. A-girl is pretty much off the radar at this point. I never once got the feeling she might even remotely consider me as a potential. She's young and cute, she's got the rest of her life ahead of her -- what would she want with me? I overheard her and another girl in the office talking about guys they were hanging around with in a club (maybe a bar?). "Oh, yea... he was cute", she'd say "but not as cute as [some other guy's name] ". She's maybe a little out of my league, looks-wise, and she could probably get someone who might be considered better looking, but certainly not better. As far as L-girl goes, she's saying some really dumbass things these days that are really turning me off. She keeps turning me down for lunch dates which is really starting to annoy me. Superman tells me that he doesn't see us ending up together and, honestly, neither do I. I was basically lookin

Sometimes life is a spiritual journey. Often, it's only traveled in your mind. This time, it's a physical passage. There's a rather large road that is very close to my house. As long as I've lived here, I've never traveled it from end-to-end -- until now. I guess I live right around the middle of this road and had gone to certain extremes on this road, down to one end and beyond many times. But I'd never been to the other end. I didn't know how it started. It's kind of funny, but it starts in a suburban neighborhood where you might envision people gathering for a July 4th block party. Mostly, I'd say it's two lanes but gets up to four lanes. At it's start, it's one lane. That's what happens, isn't it? We start out small, wind our way through a neighborhood, thicken a bit in the middle, get thicker and more dense as we go, and then one day we end. We look at life through the car window. We see all the change, the construction, the

I saw an interesting movie last night (there's nothing on TV nowadays) called "Garden State". It was about a young man who comes back to the place he used to live because his mother died. He meets up with some people that he grew up with but still seems detached from them. He doesn't really see his purpose until he meets up with a cute, albeit strange, girl who catches his fancy. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". Sound familiar? He finally talks to his father about all the things they haven't said... all the stilted conversations. There is a distinct sense of death in this movie. There is also a great sense of love and knowing -- or finding out -- what ones purpose is. Do we choose our relationships or do they choose us? I think one of the best things about the movie was the 'Nick Drake'-like soundtrack. Just as I'm thinking that, one of his songs plays. It was like sliding on your favorite pair of broken-in jeans. There w

Do you realize that, basically, birds are homeless? I happened to see a bird perched on a tree-branch outside my window and I thought about his day. They spend their day looking for food. They make their domicile out of anything they find on the street. I haven’t smelled one recently but I’m sure they stink… even though there are numerous places for them to take a bath. Each of these statements also describes a homeless person. You could also apply this rationale to any animal you see out in nature. Your basic squirrels and rabbits would be included and in certain parts of the country: armadillos. But getting back to birds… we see them as a nuisance sometimes but they are part of the evolutionary food chain. Did you also realize that they categorize dinosaurs by 2 basic elements – bird hips and canine hips? That’s true, look it up! There are also certain birds that we tend to eat (i.e. – Chickens and ducks). It must have been a brave man who first cooked up a chicken and ate it. I don’

I wish we had flex-time here at the office. The kind of business I'm in tends to ebb-and-flow... which means I'm busier than snot some days and pleading for something to do on other days. I don't mind work, I just prefer that it be steady instead of non-existent. I'm sure the principals in the company also feel that way but they know that sometimes we're coasting down the hill and other days we're peddling like crazy. Just as long as the bike keeps moving. Had kind of a weird night last night. After I got home from hanging out with L-girl, I watched a little TV. Between 8:00 and 8:30 I could barely keep my eyes open. I ended up getting into bed around 9:00. I then slept like a rock until 2:30am. Got up, watched some TV, checked e-mail, played on the computer a little... then returned to be around 4:30. I have no explanation for this. Not sure why my body was so out of sync but it was very strange watching TV that early in the morning -- there's absolutely no