Skip to main content

dys-func' -tion-al, adj.

I saw an interesting movie last night (there's nothing on TV nowadays) called "Garden State". It was about a young man who comes back to the place he used to live because his mother died. He meets up with some people that he grew up with but still seems detached from them. He doesn't really see his purpose until he meets up with a cute, albeit strange, girl who catches his fancy.

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". Sound familiar?

He finally talks to his father about all the things they haven't said... all the stilted conversations. There is a distinct sense of death in this movie. There is also a great sense of love and knowing -- or finding out -- what ones purpose is. Do we choose our relationships or do they choose us?

I think one of the best things about the movie was the 'Nick Drake'-like soundtrack. Just as I'm thinking that, one of his songs plays. It was like sliding on your favorite pair of broken-in jeans. There was some element of this character's detachment that made me see a little of myself. I've been described as aloof, stand-off-ish (is that a word?), and -- yes -- even detached.

I haven't seen my family in a while. It used to seem like I almost saw them too much but recently we haven't been hitting on all cylinders. Everyone has their own life, I don't blame them... it's just kind of sad. When we're all together it's a lot of fun and laughter because deep down I think we like each other.

I think the problem is that I've spent too much time looking inside myself trying to figure out what's wrong instead of looking out at what's beyond my three foot perimeter. I've felt that sense of rejection so long that a large defensive shield is up. It takes a LOT to crack it. I want the power, though... there's power in knowledge and when I give it away that makes me vulnerable. I don't want to be vulnerable because it makes me afraid and I don't want to be afraid. It's a catch-22 because I'm already afraid.

Anyone can tell you that a large part of life is rejection but that doesn't make me like it any more. I was about to write a statement in defense of rejection but I don't want to steer the conversation to that area. I don't want to understand any one's rejection but my own. What am I doing wrong? There I go again, looking inside.

I struggle to be a functioning, healthy adult in this world. Some days I make it, some I don't and some I put the 'fun' in dysfunctional.

Popular posts from this blog

Top 10 Cartoon Duo's

This time out the subject is Top 10 Cartoon Duo’s. I was only going to make this a Top 5 list but I had so many entries to work with, I added the last 5. Here’s the list is no particular order – wait, that’s not right… 10. Ren & Stimpy: Call this entry the ‘Odd Couple’ of the group. A cat and a dog (I think) living together and making their way despite their obvious instincts to be sworn enemies. I have to admit that this cartoon was hard to watch sometimes because of the ‘gross’ nature of both characters – pooping and boogers a big part of the vernacular. “Oh, Re-e-e-n?”, “Yes, Stimpy!” 9. Inspector Gadget & Penny: An uncle and his niece go around solving crimes against Dr. Claw. It was actually Gadget and his dog, Brain, that tried to solve the crimes and Penny that actually solved them. She would tell Brain the solution and that crazy dog would expend a great deal of energy trying to make the Inspector understand the solution. Finally, when Inspector Gadget would ‘stumble...
Read more

High Kings vs. Celtic Thunder

I had the rare chance to compare Irish music this weekend. I caught performances by both “The High Kings” and “Celtic Thunder”. First up was HK: The show was filmed in front of an audience somewhere in Ireland. The set appeared to be a simple wooden stage that was reminiscent of a boat dock – simple and effective. There were drums on the left and a small supporting band on the right. While they played, a large video wall displayed images behind them – mostly water – setting the mood for the song they were singing at the time. The vocalists were excellent. You could tell they were really Irish by their brogues, which were honest and uncluttered. The harmonies were good and you could tell they were really singing. In the beginning of the show they made it clear that everyone should know all the words to the songs they were singing and the audience was asked to “sing up”. They started with a rousing version of “The Rocky Road To Dublin” which drew everyone in and they never let the audien...
Read more

Women who disappoint

Looking back over this long weekend, I have found that there are some women in my life who have disappointed me recently: - My mother: Well, it always starts at the top, doesn't it? My mother almost single-handedly soured Thanksgiving for me this year. She has always been the type of mother who says 'out of the kitchen while I'm cooking!'... so for years we've left her alone while she prepares the meal. Mind you, we bring a lot of the materials and she just heats them up or preps them. Anyhow, this year after everything was ready to go and she was about to announce this, she comes out with: "I'm not doing this anymore. This is my last year of it. I'm almost 70 years old and I'm tired of doing it". There is a dramatic pause while this sinks in before we start pointing the finger at my oldest brother and his wife taking over the duties. I'm not sure what anyone else made of it but I felt a little blindsided. A little bit later, after the foo...
Read more