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I made a film with my girlfriend

To whom it may concern:

A few years ago I made a widely released film with my then-girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez. Let me be clear about this: we knew when we were making it that it wasn’t that good. Did we think it was the worst movie ever made? No. We didn’t write it, we didn’t direct it… we just acted in it.

We took a lot of time, money and energy to make this film. We hired people like Christopher Walken and Al Pacino to be in the damn thing.

I had just come off a little film called Daredevil (where I met my current wife – more on that later) and Jennifer just came off making “Maid In Manhattan” and we just figured – what the hey.

Bottom line: I’ve seen Jennifer Lopez naked. More than that, I’ve had sex with her on numerous occasions. Can YOU say that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

A few more years go by and she gets married to another guy. A while later, I get married and everyone’s happy, right? (Side note: what the hell was that performance at the Grammy’s all about. Ouch, my ears!)

So there’s this hot girl I know who plays a kick-ass CIA agent on TV. Guess what: nailed her, too. Went a little far and knocked her up, oops. I do the honorable thing and we get married. I don’t care: she’s a freakin’ hottie!!

Life is good, there’s even talk of me running for office. I’m not sure I’m going to do it. To quote Colin Powell, “The political fires do not burn in my belly”.

To recap: ‘Gigli’, not my best work, have had sex with Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner (among others), have won an Oscar, am still good friends with Matt Damon (despite the rumors).

So, in closing – suck it!

Sincerely,

Ben Affleck

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