Down On Ferry Farm

I figured that, being out of work, I’d spend more time doing things that I needed to get done. To a certain extent, I have but to that other extent – I haven’t. I wanted to write more and be more creative than I have been that past few years. My mind has been cluttered with passwords, procedures, documentation and habits. It’s hard to keep telling myself that I’m just taking a vacation. It’s getting harder to suspend the truth. I’ve spent most of my time at home trying to get my house in order – both literally and figuratively. My kitchen has never been cleaner. Where there is usually a stack of dishes on the counter there currently is none. I feel like all I do these days is sleep, eat and watch TV. It’s more of an existence than a life. I have to keep telling myself that things will get better. For my own good I have to keep going forward. I need to see how this story ends. I need to start each paragraph with “I”.

If my body truly does remember everything that’s happened to it, I think this is what it would have to say: “Laying in the warm sun feels nice. Cool breeze. Too bad you won’t remember it” “The fall from the 3rd story window did not feel good. I don’t care if you thought that bush would break your fall – it didn’t” “This is a new place to live but you’ve become a lot more conservative with me. You would find out that girl has smooth skin if you would only touch it” “You were in a fight today but only your heart feels bad” “You tried to run fast but there were others there who were faster” “I feel like I’m building to something good but there are too many people around” “Pressing through these crowded hallways reveals neither pain nor pleasure” “That watch is too tight” “It’s good to see you breaking out of your shell” “Man, the foot is in pain but I know a tetanus shot will fix that discoloration” “I am strong” “5 more push-ups? Are you kidding me? No way” “I can’t believe that, after e

I have been catching up with the series “Six Feet Under” lately. Superman let me borrow his copy of the entire series, so I have been watching. I have noticed a few trends within each show: Saying the f-word a lot Sexuality (gay and straight) The mother’s outbursts (sometimes laced with swearing) A call being sent or received on a cell phone The dark lighting Casual drug use Male nudity (especially early on in the series) Death It’s always offsetting to me that the show opens with someone’s death. It’s weird having a show start but not seeing any of the main characters for the first few minutes. It’s like trying to identify as quickly as possible with strangers. I’d like to say that I identify most with Claire, but in reality I’m probably most like Nate (without the headaches). To warn you, I’m currently only half way through Season 2 so please don’t tell me whatever happens after that. Let me just say that I didn’t include female nudity in the list above because I don’t have a problem

After having been rejected by Renee earlier in the week, I have been rejected again – this time by the company I work for. I guess I’m officially “between jobs”. I don’t like this feeling. I’ve always been the kind of person who likes a certain level of security. I like knowing that there’s another paycheck coming down the road in 2 weeks. This is a bit unsettling. I probably have enough money to get me into the new year if I do it right and nothing major happens. You’re probably asking yourself: “What happened?” Ultimately, I think my boss and I were out of sync. There is also a bit of “setup to fail” in there as well. He mentioned something about performance but I’m sure he had to say something like that. This is clearly not the best week of my life. It doesn’t even get to the top 10. So my new is job is finding a new job. Blurgh!

Well, I don’t know how to put this any other way, kind readers, but Renee has dumped me. She called last night and asked where I was. “Home”, I replied. “Are you busy?” she asked. “No, I’m just watching TV” I said. I was getting a little nervous and I asked her what was going on. “I don’t really know how to say this,” she tells me “but this isn’t working for me”. This is not what I was expecting when she called, and I told her so. I remember her saying something like “It doesn’t bother me what you’re saying but HOW you’re saying it”. She had a talk with me previous to this and said that I had somehow disciplined her daughter but then couldn’t give me an example of what she meant. She also told me I was dismissive in my tone. I recall that, toward the end of the call, we both sat there with not much to say and we were wondering how to end the call. I mean, how do you segue from “it’s over” to “okay, have a good one” (or “have a nice life” – that’s what I wanted to say). In the minutes a

The past week-and-a-half or so has been a blur of activity and nothingness. I’ll try and hit the highlights. I finally met Renee’s parents and her daughter – on the same night. Originally, I was invited to come to Sunday dinner but Renee thought that might be a bit much hitting me all at once. So the plan was that she and I would go out while the parents watched the young’n. So I drove to her parent’s house (to pick her up) and would then meet all the interested parties. Renee’s parents live just outside of “the middle of nowhere” so I dutifully missed the mailbox of the homestead. But I finally found the place. I met the parents and her daughter. We basically sat there for 20 minutes watching the child run, hop, bounce and dance around. Then Renee and I went off to dinner. Sunday dinner went off without a hitch and I felt right at home. The only additions were an aunt and uncle I hadn’t met before but who seemed really nice. We sat around and drank beer, ate food, watched football and