I want the people who create TV to heed my list. Stop:
- Saying “we’ll be right back with more of your show” and then rolling credits. That amounts to bait-and-switch.
- Creating crappy ‘Reality TV’ programs. The few that have come out that people consider are good are novelties. I like drinking water but I don’t want it shoved down my throat constantly. And, you know what? There’s NO reality in them.
- Letting good TV shows go away by switching them from time-slot to time-slot.
- Putting everything on Thursday night. You’re asking me to record something on my VCR, my TiVo and then watch a third show. There are OTHER nights of the weekday, you know…
- Tweaking shows. Jeez, I hate that! When something works don’t futz with it. They DON’T need a cute kid or crazy neighbor to make the show better – write better material!
- Dumbing down TV. There are people who read ‘the funnies’ and there are others that read the Wall Street Journal. Learn to distinguish which is which.
- Thinking that the product you’re putting out there is absolute gold. Sometimes we just want a little mindless entertainment… a little fluff after the dinner hour to relieve some of the stress of the day. They don’t ALL have to be homeruns. Something at one of the other networks has to run against your strongest show… don’t keep up with the Jones’.
- Jumping the shark. That stupid stunt you pulled was just that – stupid.
- Cliffhangers over the summer! It was a fad from the 80’s that should have ended when women stopped wearing leg warmers for a night out. If your show is good enough, they’ll come back in the fall.
- The ‘teasers’ to get people to watch your shows. I don’t want to keep hearing “You’ve GOT to see the first (or last) 5 minutes of the show!!!” Again, if it’s a show I’m watching anyway why WOULD I miss the first or last 5 minutes.
- Kill off a main or good character. Look, we know these people are actors. We know they sometimes leave a situation for a better one. Don’t feel the need to kill them off just because they won’t be returning to your show. There are a million reasons why people leave a job, hospital or law firm. Do some research to find out what they are.
- Thinking “Entertainment Weekly” is the entertainment bible. It’s just a magazine of opinionated people. They are fickle, like the rest of us. Stop doing what they say.
- Furthering stereotypes. Not all lawyers are smarmy and not all doctors are young heartthrobs. Not all black teenagers are thugs and not all Hispanic people are fruit-pickers. Stop the insanity!!!
- Copying yourself when you DO get a good idea. How many versions of “Law & Order” and “CSI” do we need? Really?!? That many?
- Copying “Saturday Night Live”. How many version of THIS show do we need? “30 Rock”, “Studio 60”. Really?!? That many?
- Using Chris Collinsworth… for ANYTHING!! The man is just annoying, can you NOT see that?
- Giving every comedian their own sitcom. Again, the situation worked with “Seinfeld” but that doesn’t mean it works with everyone who can stand in front of an audience with a microphone and tell jokes. That’s what the comedy clubs are for. Be a little more stringent.
- Putting commercials on PBS. I know this is not the problem of the major networks but I thought I’d mention it. How is what they do before and after the show not a commercial? I mean, yes, it’s not a commercial SPOT but when TV was first born that kind of product placement was considered advertising. You tune in right at the appointed time just to see a couple of well-placed advertiser’s pitch. Um, Hello?!? I don’t think so.
- Over-runs. These shows that go 1 or 2 minutes longer than an hour is mind-numbingly stupid. And, JJ Abrams, do NOT lie to me and tell me you’re not doing that. My watch is not running fast!
- Making music videos out of the last 5 minutes of a show. Something emotional has just happened. Stop reaching for your crutch by running some whiney piece of crap music over NO dialog! It was actually kind of cool when it was first being done but now EVERYONE is doing it and the magic is gone! Find another way to produce the TV equivalent of a “snuggle”.
- Pairing up hot leading ladies with chubby leading men. Ever since “The Honeymooner’s” hit upon the formula it’s been non-stop. Why don’t you find out what kind of man women are really going for and make a show about that? Art is supposed to mirror real life, right? You’re still considering what you do “Art”, right?
I'd consider this a 'public service' but I’m probably wasting my time…
- Saying “we’ll be right back with more of your show” and then rolling credits. That amounts to bait-and-switch.
- Creating crappy ‘Reality TV’ programs. The few that have come out that people consider are good are novelties. I like drinking water but I don’t want it shoved down my throat constantly. And, you know what? There’s NO reality in them.
- Letting good TV shows go away by switching them from time-slot to time-slot.
- Putting everything on Thursday night. You’re asking me to record something on my VCR, my TiVo and then watch a third show. There are OTHER nights of the weekday, you know…
- Tweaking shows. Jeez, I hate that! When something works don’t futz with it. They DON’T need a cute kid or crazy neighbor to make the show better – write better material!
- Dumbing down TV. There are people who read ‘the funnies’ and there are others that read the Wall Street Journal. Learn to distinguish which is which.
- Thinking that the product you’re putting out there is absolute gold. Sometimes we just want a little mindless entertainment… a little fluff after the dinner hour to relieve some of the stress of the day. They don’t ALL have to be homeruns. Something at one of the other networks has to run against your strongest show… don’t keep up with the Jones’.
- Jumping the shark. That stupid stunt you pulled was just that – stupid.
- Cliffhangers over the summer! It was a fad from the 80’s that should have ended when women stopped wearing leg warmers for a night out. If your show is good enough, they’ll come back in the fall.
- The ‘teasers’ to get people to watch your shows. I don’t want to keep hearing “You’ve GOT to see the first (or last) 5 minutes of the show!!!” Again, if it’s a show I’m watching anyway why WOULD I miss the first or last 5 minutes.
- Kill off a main or good character. Look, we know these people are actors. We know they sometimes leave a situation for a better one. Don’t feel the need to kill them off just because they won’t be returning to your show. There are a million reasons why people leave a job, hospital or law firm. Do some research to find out what they are.
- Thinking “Entertainment Weekly” is the entertainment bible. It’s just a magazine of opinionated people. They are fickle, like the rest of us. Stop doing what they say.
- Furthering stereotypes. Not all lawyers are smarmy and not all doctors are young heartthrobs. Not all black teenagers are thugs and not all Hispanic people are fruit-pickers. Stop the insanity!!!
- Copying yourself when you DO get a good idea. How many versions of “Law & Order” and “CSI” do we need? Really?!? That many?
- Copying “Saturday Night Live”. How many version of THIS show do we need? “30 Rock”, “Studio 60”. Really?!? That many?
- Using Chris Collinsworth… for ANYTHING!! The man is just annoying, can you NOT see that?
- Giving every comedian their own sitcom. Again, the situation worked with “Seinfeld” but that doesn’t mean it works with everyone who can stand in front of an audience with a microphone and tell jokes. That’s what the comedy clubs are for. Be a little more stringent.
- Putting commercials on PBS. I know this is not the problem of the major networks but I thought I’d mention it. How is what they do before and after the show not a commercial? I mean, yes, it’s not a commercial SPOT but when TV was first born that kind of product placement was considered advertising. You tune in right at the appointed time just to see a couple of well-placed advertiser’s pitch. Um, Hello?!? I don’t think so.
- Over-runs. These shows that go 1 or 2 minutes longer than an hour is mind-numbingly stupid. And, JJ Abrams, do NOT lie to me and tell me you’re not doing that. My watch is not running fast!
- Making music videos out of the last 5 minutes of a show. Something emotional has just happened. Stop reaching for your crutch by running some whiney piece of crap music over NO dialog! It was actually kind of cool when it was first being done but now EVERYONE is doing it and the magic is gone! Find another way to produce the TV equivalent of a “snuggle”.
- Pairing up hot leading ladies with chubby leading men. Ever since “The Honeymooner’s” hit upon the formula it’s been non-stop. Why don’t you find out what kind of man women are really going for and make a show about that? Art is supposed to mirror real life, right? You’re still considering what you do “Art”, right?
I'd consider this a 'public service' but I’m probably wasting my time…