On Friday I went out for drinks with some of the people at work. We talk about the usual stuff and it somehow wraps around to the job or people at the office. I guess up to now people needed to know what could and could not be said about people at work.
Usually the President of the company joins us but he was out of town. There were only 4 of us this time (me and 3 women) and the gloves came off. We raked almost everyone over the coals. I found out who was liked and who was hated (luckily, I didn’t like this guy they were discussing).
Then came the inevitable talk of office romance. Two of the younger ‘kids’ in the office had apparently spent some late nights in the office. As far as I could tell from the conversation no physical activities had taken place.
I expressed the opinion that I didn’t feel that the two people in question would make a good couple. One of the other women agreed with me as well. I think there are just romantics that want to see two people get together no matter what.
Of course, I’m thinking ‘what about me?’, so I ask the women “what about me?”. Then comes the question that invariably follows that one:
“So, what are you looking for?”
I give the basic idea of what I’m looking for and everyone concedes they don’t know anyone like that. Of course, I’ve just described a very average woman in height, weight and looks. Still, they know no one. It’s the basic response I get.
One of the women admits that she doesn’t have any single friends. When this has happened in the past I’ve actually caught the women in a lie.
“What about that single friend you just relayed a story about?”. Here comes another ‘stock’ answer – “She’s not right for you”. Jesus, I could almost write a book.
Which is probably why I started using a dating service. I know it sounds sad and kind of pathetic that I can’t meet these women on my own but, dammit, they haven’t found ME up to this point either. One of the women I went out with through this service admitted that the chances of our meeting without the dating service was slim to none.
I know they’re out there. That’s what I’ve learned most since I signed up. They’re out there. I must not be looking at the right places.
So we’re sitting there still sipping our drinks after I’ve just given them my ‘specifications’ and one of them asks me “So you’re looking for a supermodel?”
“What?!?” I say, “that is SO NOT what I said”.
Honestly, a supermodel is good for a lay or five. I’m just looking for a decent woman I can have a conversation with, someone who wants to do something (besides sit around the house, get out and watch the tube). The hardest part is finding ones that know who I am. I’ll admit I’m hard to get to know. There’s definitely a defensive shield there but I’m working on it and I think I’m doing well.
As mentioned before, I am an ‘Indiscriminate Desirer’ – I see a group of women and I want them all, in some subtle way. This makes it very hard to decide upon one. My feeling is that if I ‘strike out’ with one of the 5 women in a group, I’ve blown my chance with all of them. So I stay in my easy chair and chant my mantra: “A winner is someone who does not compete – if you do not compete you cannot lose”.
I’m beginning to see the flaw in my logic. Realistically, if you do not compete, there’s no WAY to win. You have to meet them halfway. You have to get out there.
I’m hoping that seeing women in a social situation will help me with my dilemma. There are certain things that I want in life (and have wanted for a long time) and have not gotten due in large part to not knowing HOW to get them.
There’s a scene in Woody Allen’s “The Purple Rose of Cairo” that best sums up my feelings.
Tom Baxter (Jeff Daniels) is an actor who literally comes off the screen after seeing Cecelia (Mia Farrow) at several showings of the movie that he’s in. At one point the couple race out of the theater and jump into a car so they can speed away. Tom jumps in the driver’s seat only to have the car NOT roar to life and speed them away.
He justifies his actions by saying that in the movies, the car just starts and he, along with his leading lady, drive into the sunset together. He doesn’t understand how things really work. My weakness is that I don’t know how relationships work.
I have known that feeling. I have sat with women over a very romantic dinner and asked myself “why is this not working?” and, ultimately, “what am I doing wrong?”. The answer I get is almost always the same “You’re not doing anything wrong – it’s not you…” (say it with me) “… it’s me”.
Well, I’m sure you can see how helpful that is to me – not! I’ve even asked women who did not want any part of me what I could do to help myself in the future – you know, a little research. To a person they have all backed off that question. No one wanted to answer it. I don’t blame them, it’s a stupid question. If I was asked that question by a women who I had no future intentions with, I’d probably back off the question or give a non-committal answer like “I’m sorry, it just didn’t work out”.
But what about the women in the median? Those women who don’t annoy you but also don’t make your heart race. I feel kind of bad in those situations because I could probably live very happily with this woman for the rest of my life but I suppose I’d always feel that my ‘real’ wife is still out there and I’d probably grow to resent her for holding me back.
For now I’m pinning my hopes on Marie (the woman with whom I’ll be doing yoga) and charging forward. There is a secret yardstick by which I judge my future mates which she measures up to. DubDub had it as well but you know how that turned out.
No, I won’t tell you – that’s why it’s called a secret.
Usually the President of the company joins us but he was out of town. There were only 4 of us this time (me and 3 women) and the gloves came off. We raked almost everyone over the coals. I found out who was liked and who was hated (luckily, I didn’t like this guy they were discussing).
Then came the inevitable talk of office romance. Two of the younger ‘kids’ in the office had apparently spent some late nights in the office. As far as I could tell from the conversation no physical activities had taken place.
I expressed the opinion that I didn’t feel that the two people in question would make a good couple. One of the other women agreed with me as well. I think there are just romantics that want to see two people get together no matter what.
Of course, I’m thinking ‘what about me?’, so I ask the women “what about me?”. Then comes the question that invariably follows that one:
“So, what are you looking for?”
I give the basic idea of what I’m looking for and everyone concedes they don’t know anyone like that. Of course, I’ve just described a very average woman in height, weight and looks. Still, they know no one. It’s the basic response I get.
One of the women admits that she doesn’t have any single friends. When this has happened in the past I’ve actually caught the women in a lie.
“What about that single friend you just relayed a story about?”. Here comes another ‘stock’ answer – “She’s not right for you”. Jesus, I could almost write a book.
Which is probably why I started using a dating service. I know it sounds sad and kind of pathetic that I can’t meet these women on my own but, dammit, they haven’t found ME up to this point either. One of the women I went out with through this service admitted that the chances of our meeting without the dating service was slim to none.
I know they’re out there. That’s what I’ve learned most since I signed up. They’re out there. I must not be looking at the right places.
So we’re sitting there still sipping our drinks after I’ve just given them my ‘specifications’ and one of them asks me “So you’re looking for a supermodel?”
“What?!?” I say, “that is SO NOT what I said”.
Honestly, a supermodel is good for a lay or five. I’m just looking for a decent woman I can have a conversation with, someone who wants to do something (besides sit around the house, get out and watch the tube). The hardest part is finding ones that know who I am. I’ll admit I’m hard to get to know. There’s definitely a defensive shield there but I’m working on it and I think I’m doing well.
As mentioned before, I am an ‘Indiscriminate Desirer’ – I see a group of women and I want them all, in some subtle way. This makes it very hard to decide upon one. My feeling is that if I ‘strike out’ with one of the 5 women in a group, I’ve blown my chance with all of them. So I stay in my easy chair and chant my mantra: “A winner is someone who does not compete – if you do not compete you cannot lose”.I’m beginning to see the flaw in my logic. Realistically, if you do not compete, there’s no WAY to win. You have to meet them halfway. You have to get out there.
I’m hoping that seeing women in a social situation will help me with my dilemma. There are certain things that I want in life (and have wanted for a long time) and have not gotten due in large part to not knowing HOW to get them.
There’s a scene in Woody Allen’s “The Purple Rose of Cairo” that best sums up my feelings.
Tom Baxter (Jeff Daniels) is an actor who literally comes off the screen after seeing Cecelia (Mia Farrow) at several showings of the movie that he’s in. At one point the couple race out of the theater and jump into a car so they can speed away. Tom jumps in the driver’s seat only to have the car NOT roar to life and speed them away.He justifies his actions by saying that in the movies, the car just starts and he, along with his leading lady, drive into the sunset together. He doesn’t understand how things really work. My weakness is that I don’t know how relationships work.
I have known that feeling. I have sat with women over a very romantic dinner and asked myself “why is this not working?” and, ultimately, “what am I doing wrong?”. The answer I get is almost always the same “You’re not doing anything wrong – it’s not you…” (say it with me) “… it’s me”.
Well, I’m sure you can see how helpful that is to me – not! I’ve even asked women who did not want any part of me what I could do to help myself in the future – you know, a little research. To a person they have all backed off that question. No one wanted to answer it. I don’t blame them, it’s a stupid question. If I was asked that question by a women who I had no future intentions with, I’d probably back off the question or give a non-committal answer like “I’m sorry, it just didn’t work out”.
But what about the women in the median? Those women who don’t annoy you but also don’t make your heart race. I feel kind of bad in those situations because I could probably live very happily with this woman for the rest of my life but I suppose I’d always feel that my ‘real’ wife is still out there and I’d probably grow to resent her for holding me back.
For now I’m pinning my hopes on Marie (the woman with whom I’ll be doing yoga) and charging forward. There is a secret yardstick by which I judge my future mates which she measures up to. DubDub had it as well but you know how that turned out.
No, I won’t tell you – that’s why it’s called a secret.