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My Brave Face

It’s a strange position to be in: wanting to be seen as well as be invisible. I want to be seen by people that are hiring (obviously) but unseen by those who want to ask me questions about or give me advice on my job search.

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to answer a lot of questions about myself. I have to do that on first dates and job interviews. When I’m put in that position, I have to put on a brave face and answer the questions.

Maybe because I hesitate or try to divert the question they may see me as untrustworthy or not confident. I try to relax and put on that face that says I am somehow at ease. It’s not easy.

I feel like a fisherman trying to reel in something on which my family can feed. Out in the water, my boat slowly moves because there are so many other boats around – there are so many lines in the water. I want to find that secluded spot where the fish congregate that no one else knows about. I want to respond to an ad that I am supremely qualified for that no one else can see.

It makes me wonder why I go through the motions. How can I work toward something when I can’t see the endgame? I look around at all I have and that seems to appease me. I have but a few memories. I have but a few mementos.

Yesterday I had lunch with one of the guys I used to work with. He spent the first part of our time together updating me on the people we used to work with – who was still there, who was gone. We then spent a few minutes playing “remember when” and had a good laugh or three. He’s a good man but he is growing more and more frustrated with his job. It’s tough to move jobs in this economy.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day and tonight I’ll be going over to my parent’s house for dinner. We’re having the traditional Irish dinner of corned beef, cabbage and potatoes. I know they’ll want to talk about my job search. They’ve given up talking about my love life.

I’ll have to put on my brave face.

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