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Blue Monday, Blue Day

I had a very strange Monday, let me take you through it:

8:29am – I arrived at work a little later than usual due to the volume of traffic that morning. There was a car on the side of the road, which seems to freak people out -- I don’t get it.

8:32am – I get to my desk to find my computer off. This is strange because I don’t turn my computer off, I usually just log off. I’m not feeling right, but I can’t explain it.

8:38am – Once my computer came up I got a weird message so I restarted it. Basically, my computer said that the PC I had known for these last few months had gone away. I spent about half an hour trying to revive it without success.

9:04am – I feel a bit numb this morning and I don’t really want to be in the office… more than usual. I feel pretty stupid with everyone knowing I’ve been laid off.

9:15am – I begin the process of re-installing the operating system on my computer. During the down time (where no action is required on my part) I decide that I have come to a fork in the road and that I need to take it.

9:30am – While work continues on my PC, I walk to the HR Manager’s office to tell him that I’d just rather go now. He asks me “what’s wrong?” I try to explain to him as best I can that I just don’t feel right, that I don’t belong here anymore and that I just don’t want to stay. He asks me to hang tight while he goes to talk to the president of the company. He’d really like me to stay until Wednesday (since Thursday is Thanksgiving) so he’ll see what he can work out.

9:35am – I head back to my office and continue working on my PC to at least get it to a stable, working condition. A few minutes pass and I’ve not heard from the HR Manager. I go looking around the office for him – to no avail.

9:48am – I take my lunch bag and an umbrella I’ve had in my office out to my car. I’ve decided I won’t be here at lunchtime.

10:00am – I make another pass at finding the HR Manager. It’s just like him to be seen in the morning and then disappear throughout the day.

10:15am – Computer is now in stable condition. I have installed some basic software that one needs to work on a company computer. I shut the computer down. I search again for the HR Manager and still do not find him. My feeling at this point is “Look, they are the ones who let ME go”. I am not quitting; I have already been laid off.

10:18am – There is some confusion outside my door. People from different departments are trying to get something worked out. There are 4 or 5 people involved. I take my key off my key ring and place it on the wrist-rest (along with my electronic time card). I grab my jacket out of the closet and put it on.

10:19am – I turn off my office light and close the door behind me. There is still several conversations going on outside the door and I scoot between the players. Without saying anything to anyone I leave the office and drive away.

10:25am – As I drive away, I don’t feel anything different. I don’t feel better, I don’t feel worse, and I don’t feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders – I just feel a little ill.

If I had to do it all over again, I probably would have suggested I leave the moment they said they were laying me off.

Later that afternoon Leslie texted me that an appointment I had set up arrived. I felt awful. I never intended to do that, as my mind was somewhere else completely. I apologized to her and she said she understood.

Seems I have documented my way out of another job. I need to find a happy medium.

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