It’s a new year with new chances to start things, or to start over. Of course, we get that every day – a chance to begin again.
I start this New Year the same way I started the last one. I’m unsure of what’s happening most days. There are times during the day I have to think hard about what day of the week it is. Either the tide will turn or the waves’ll crush me.
I recently found an old computer and a lot of old files I had written (don’t believe this is my first outing at pouring my soul into words). There are a couple of things that I notice about what’s written. First of all, my spelling and word usage were atrocious. Second, I don’t seem any more happy or fulfilled now than I was back then.
Reading some of these words I feel like I should be shocked at the attitudes I had then and how different I am now. The fact of the matter is: I’m not. Granted I’m a bit more mature and I know the difference between how to use “you’re” and “your” correctly, but the sadness and distant feelings are still visible.
Figuring it all out is going to take some time because I’m simply transcribing what was written (all this old stuff is not PC compatible) but you can definitely tell it was me back then and it looks an awful lot like me now.
Since it is a new year and I needed to change I spruced up a bit around here. By now you can tell I have a new ‘theme’ that is a lot more simple and I have also taken off the ability to comment. I’m trying to live my life a little more uncomplicated (not that it was terribly complicated before – in fact, it was pretty simple). I think what needs to happen is to strip down to the core and build back up the way I want to.
Over the past few years I have lived my life a certain way. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I just wanted to live my life on an even keel – maintain the status quo. I’m starting to think there is a lot of things in my life that need to change. I need to clean up or clean out some parts of my life. I don’t know what that means, yet, so stay tuned.
I went over to a friend’s house to help her with her computer (I don’t know if you remember G-Lady). She’s one of those people who starts out sentences with “I’m gonna…”: “I’m gonna stop smoking”, “I’m gonna lose weight”, etc. Of course, in the end she rationalizes all over herself as to why she didn’t do… whatever it was.
I’ve always billed myself as the kind of person who does what they say they’re going to do. It bothers me when someone says they’re “gonna” do something and then doesn’t do it. Why would you even say it if you’re not going to do it? It’s just a waste of breath. I don’t know why this bothers me so much.
As you can tell, I’m frustrated… I’m angry… I’m tired… I’m tired of being tired. I feel like I’m floating in a little boat on a great big ocean. I can’t see the horizon from where I’m at because the ocean is rolling at a pretty good pace. The storm clouds are brewing and the waves are choppy. I don’t have any oars, I’m just floating and I can’t steer this thing.
But I’m thankful to have a boat and plenty of water to drink. I had no idea this would turn out to be so nautical.
I start this New Year the same way I started the last one. I’m unsure of what’s happening most days. There are times during the day I have to think hard about what day of the week it is. Either the tide will turn or the waves’ll crush me.I recently found an old computer and a lot of old files I had written (don’t believe this is my first outing at pouring my soul into words). There are a couple of things that I notice about what’s written. First of all, my spelling and word usage were atrocious. Second, I don’t seem any more happy or fulfilled now than I was back then.
Reading some of these words I feel like I should be shocked at the attitudes I had then and how different I am now. The fact of the matter is: I’m not. Granted I’m a bit more mature and I know the difference between how to use “you’re” and “your” correctly, but the sadness and distant feelings are still visible.
Figuring it all out is going to take some time because I’m simply transcribing what was written (all this old stuff is not PC compatible) but you can definitely tell it was me back then and it looks an awful lot like me now.
Since it is a new year and I needed to change I spruced up a bit around here. By now you can tell I have a new ‘theme’ that is a lot more simple and I have also taken off the ability to comment. I’m trying to live my life a little more uncomplicated (not that it was terribly complicated before – in fact, it was pretty simple). I think what needs to happen is to strip down to the core and build back up the way I want to.
Over the past few years I have lived my life a certain way. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I just wanted to live my life on an even keel – maintain the status quo. I’m starting to think there is a lot of things in my life that need to change. I need to clean up or clean out some parts of my life. I don’t know what that means, yet, so stay tuned.
I went over to a friend’s house to help her with her computer (I don’t know if you remember G-Lady). She’s one of those people who starts out sentences with “I’m gonna…”: “I’m gonna stop smoking”, “I’m gonna lose weight”, etc. Of course, in the end she rationalizes all over herself as to why she didn’t do… whatever it was.
I’ve always billed myself as the kind of person who does what they say they’re going to do. It bothers me when someone says they’re “gonna” do something and then doesn’t do it. Why would you even say it if you’re not going to do it? It’s just a waste of breath. I don’t know why this bothers me so much.As you can tell, I’m frustrated… I’m angry… I’m tired… I’m tired of being tired. I feel like I’m floating in a little boat on a great big ocean. I can’t see the horizon from where I’m at because the ocean is rolling at a pretty good pace. The storm clouds are brewing and the waves are choppy. I don’t have any oars, I’m just floating and I can’t steer this thing.
But I’m thankful to have a boat and plenty of water to drink. I had no idea this would turn out to be so nautical.
The title? It spells buoy... duh!