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I am so weak

I am very frustrated. Physically, emotionally and sexually. I've had a very tough couple of weeks at work. I haven't been sleeping well. My back is killing me so I'm taking some pills for that.

I'm falling apart at the seams.

So I settle in at home and they call me from work. I try and relax and I can feel their hands reach out to pull me back in. How is this considered weak?

The phone rings. It's DubDub and she's in a good mood, which puts me in a good mood. She goes to work at some ungodly hour of the morning, yet she staves off sleep to talk to me. I find some bit of comfort in that. We talk and it's easy... it almost always was. She has it in her mind that she can call me at any time and that I'll be there for her. I haven't done anything to dissuade that mind-set. I wish things could have stayed like they were.

Not the 'blow off' years, but the early times when it was all happiness and laughter. When the sex was good and there was plenty of it. We never fought about anything. We hung out with my friends and family. We hung out with her friends. We just hung out.

And that -- as they say -- is where the story gets weird. I'm not really sure what happened. We just sort of drifted apart with her not showing up for appointments... or calling. I don't really want to rehash all that here.

The point I was trying to make is how easy she slips in and out of my life. I won't hear from her for a week or two and then she calls out of the blue and acts like not a minute has gone by since we last spoke. I wish I could better explain the power she has over me. It's almost mezmerizing.

I mean, yes... I'll admit that I'm attracted to her and there's that body part that would like to make her acquaintance again. But, having said that, it really does go deeper. I can honestly say that no one has 'agreed' with me more. By 'agree' I mean, no one felt the same way about the same things that I did in the same way. Whatever she told me that she wanted out of life, I already felt that way. We had a very long and detailed conversation about this house we were going to build one day (a total pipe dream -- unless one of us wins the lottery). Anyhow, we agreed on everything. If I said I wanted it, she was amenable to it or outright wanted it as well.

I know that sounds stupid but we just fit. We could be right for one another. "Could" is the working word in that sentence. I don't know that she'd ever go for it... maybe. See, this is that part I don't understand. Why -- ? How--?

She has a power and I am so weak...

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