Skip to main content

Anatomy of an 18 hour day

Hour 1: You've been awake for an hour now and you're feeling okay. There is still sleep in your eyes but you know it will wear off soon. Energy = 2.

Hour 2: After a nice hot shower, you're feeling pretty good. Eat some breakfast and you're feeling even better. You almost feel like you're gonna make it. Energy = 4.

Hour 3: Adrenaline is now starting to kick in. When it subsides, you refresh it with some caffeine. You're really cooking now. Energy = 6.

Hour 4: You've now begun whatever it is you've set out to do. You're in the throes of action and your body is humming right along. Whatever it is, you can handle it. Energy = 8.

Hour 5: Hour 4 is now a distant memory and you wish you had that energy back. Your psyche is beating you like a rented mule and you wish people would stop bothering you. Why is that freakin' phone ringing again? Energy = 7.

Hour 6: Where the hell is my secretary? Oh, I don't have a secretary. You're in big trouble now. People you used to like are now turning on you. You can't even think about sleep. Still trying to turn water into wine. Energy = 7.

Hour 7: You're starting to imagine things and have arguments with your pencils. Words that you were reading have jumped on the page but are now camouflaged in the carpet. You'll never find them in there. Damn it! Did I take off my pants again? Energy = 6.

Hour 8: The things you did this morning feel like they were done yesterday. The food tastes like it was made out of play-doh. Is that someone singing or a cat in heat? I hate that sound. You'd love to stop and rest but you press on -- just out of habit. Energy = 5.

Hour 9: Everyone else is trying to help you but they don't know how so they go home. You're starting to feel like you're accomplishing something but the few stragglers left keep you working. Energy = 5.

Hour 10: Oh, god... not even half way done. Wait, yes you are. Words and numbers are now like a foreign language to you. Was that Arabic? I need another shot of caffeine. Energy = 4.

Hour 11: You're starting to get a second wind thanks to the Coca Cola. Bodily functions now seem to take care of themselves, without you having to remind them. Energy = 7.

Hour 12: The 'giddy' stage kicks in and you find you're making jokes at everything. Your two favorites are "that's what SHE said" and "..and so's your face". Here's how they work:

Them: "This is just not working."
You: "That's what SHE said. Oh, wait..."

Them: "You're really working hard today."
You: "...and so's your face".

Hmm. Not as funny now that I'm writing them down. Energy = 6.

Hour 13: The giddiness continues but in a strange way. You say things like "I've been at work for 13 hours -- this day has pubes". Energy = 6.

Hour 14: You feel as though you've gone off the deep end and your co-workers are asking if you need help. When you ask 'why?' they say it's because your belt is caught in the copier. Energy = 5.

Hour 15: All the caffeine and sugar you've consumed during this day are starting to take their toll. You can feel the 'crash' coming soon. It's like sitting on a surfboard facing a wave that grows ever higher in front of you. You are starting to point out the fact that part of the sentence you just said were the lyrics to a Bruce Springsteen song. Energy = 4.

Hour 16: You're having a hard time being rational at this point but you get to go home now. You want to sleep but your adrenaline has buoyed you this far and is not ready to give up the fight. You begin watching shows that you would not ordinarily watch and comment on people's choices. Why does SpongeBob SquarePants live in a freakin' pineapple when everyone else live under a rock? Energy = 3.

Hour 17: You are fading fast. Caffeine and sugar have run out. Adrenaline is trying to 'suit up' again but isn't finding an audience. You announce things loudly even though no one is there but you. There is all kinds of gravity in your house and you have no control. Energy = 2.

Hour 18: You have nothing left. You have put it all out on the field and not even a cement body cast could hold you up. Even the hottest woman on the planet offering sexual favors could keep you from your appointment with the pillow. Getting in between the sheets feels better than sex, at this point. You don't have much time to grasp any concepts because you're asleep. Energy = 1.

Popular posts from this blog

Top 10 Cartoon Duo's

This time out the subject is Top 10 Cartoon Duo’s. I was only going to make this a Top 5 list but I had so many entries to work with, I added the last 5. Here’s the list is no particular order – wait, that’s not right… 10. Ren & Stimpy: Call this entry the ‘Odd Couple’ of the group. A cat and a dog (I think) living together and making their way despite their obvious instincts to be sworn enemies. I have to admit that this cartoon was hard to watch sometimes because of the ‘gross’ nature of both characters – pooping and boogers a big part of the vernacular. “Oh, Re-e-e-n?”, “Yes, Stimpy!” 9. Inspector Gadget & Penny: An uncle and his niece go around solving crimes against Dr. Claw. It was actually Gadget and his dog, Brain, that tried to solve the crimes and Penny that actually solved them. She would tell Brain the solution and that crazy dog would expend a great deal of energy trying to make the Inspector understand the solution. Finally, when Inspector Gadget would ‘stumble

High Kings vs. Celtic Thunder

I had the rare chance to compare Irish music this weekend. I caught performances by both “The High Kings” and “Celtic Thunder”. First up was HK: The show was filmed in front of an audience somewhere in Ireland. The set appeared to be a simple wooden stage that was reminiscent of a boat dock – simple and effective. There were drums on the left and a small supporting band on the right. While they played, a large video wall displayed images behind them – mostly water – setting the mood for the song they were singing at the time. The vocalists were excellent. You could tell they were really Irish by their brogues, which were honest and uncluttered. The harmonies were good and you could tell they were really singing. In the beginning of the show they made it clear that everyone should know all the words to the songs they were singing and the audience was asked to “sing up”. They started with a rousing version of “The Rocky Road To Dublin” which drew everyone in and they never let the audien

Lunch with a side of awkward

Last week I was sitting in my office wondering what to eat for lunch since I didn’t bring anything to eat. I happened to be in our break room and saw a collection of restaurant menus and began thumbing through them for suggestions. I came across a place that I had heard of but had never been to, so I decided to go there – mostly because of how close it was to the office. I walked in and looked around. The place was empty. There was a table of 4 ladies in the corner who looked like your basic bridge-playing women. Sitting in the booth next to them was another couple that looked like they were wrapping things up in order to leave. Finally a server appeared and seated me at a table across the aisle from the foursome. By then, the other couple had left. As I looked around, I noticed a lot of the place was made of or covered in wood. It’s the kind of a place you might find overlooking a body of water, but all that was outside this place was a parking lot. The server was tall, thin, dark hai