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Swimming upstream

Tuesday – It is my familial duty to purchase the turkey for our Thanksgiving get-together each year. Usually I had my pick of full-fledged turkeys at work but I don’t have that job anymore. My mother also mentioned that having a whole turkey is a waste and she’d rather deal with turkey breasts. Anyhow, I go Tuesday night to pick them up.

By the time I get to the grocery store, all they have left is frozen turkey breasts. I buy them in hopes this is okay (turns out, it is – lucky break). I drive them over to my parents so they can be cooked for Thursday’s dinner.

I’m driving away from my parent’s place and I notice that the temperature of the vehicle is running rather hot. It’s raining like a son of a bitch and the wind is howling like crazy. I’m several miles away from my parent’s house and I see some steam rising from the hood. The car starts running a little rough. More smoke rising. Uh-oh… better pull over.

I pull into a Wendy’s parking lot and raise the hood. It’s still pouring buckets, it’s dark and windy like you read about. I try to lean into the engine and see where the smoke is coming from. It is definitely NOT coming from the radiator.

I sit there for about 20 minutes and turn over the engine to check the temperature. It’s about halfway down now and I feel okay about moving again. I have to time the traffic perfectly because I don’t want to stop. The problem gets worse whenever I stop for a red light or traffic.

You guessed it – traffic. I see red tail lights up ahead. The temperature seems to be holding so I get up on the freeway. It’s total stop-and-go “rush” hour traffic. Temperature is spiking again so I pull off on the side of the freeway and let her cool down again.

I’m sitting there in my car thinking some police car is going to pull up behind me and give me a ticket, ask me to move along or ask that I be towed. No such luck, even the police cars are passing me as the wind seems to get even worse. All I can see is the throng of headlights passing me as one big blur when I look out my rear window.

I check the temp and it’s down again. I get off at the next exit and quickly find an empty parking lot. It’s taken a shorter amount of time each time I stop for the car to dissipate the heat build up. I just have a mile or two to go. I see a break in the traffic and head out.

As soon as I get a good head of steam going, there’s a stoplight. I’m sitting there about 15 or 20 seconds (and sweating bullets the whole time) before I shut off the engine. Another few seconds and the light turns green. I start her up and I’m off again. Just one more traffic light to screw me up. I make the turn down the long boulevard home.

I get behind this ‘nervous nellie’ driver who seems to be afraid of everything. They are driving about 20 miles an hour – which seems to agree with my car’s temperature. Seems the less stress I put on the engine the slower it seems to overheat.

I keep repeating as I turn onto my street, “Please don’t catch on fire, please don’t burn up…” Finally, I pull into my driveway and shut off the engine. I haven’t felt this relieved since I heard the test results were negative. Whew!

Wednesday – I drive my car to the shop, which is only a few miles away, and pick up a rental car. The rain and wind are as furious as they were last night. [Side note: there was a real cutie pie at the rental car place, but she wasn’t helping me. She was reading her e-mail].

It is at this point in the transitional phase of the story that I must confess to being a procrastinator. I would have told you that sooner but I was just putting it off. Anyway, my heat at the house hasn’t been working. I have a little space heater that has filled in the blanks and an extra blanket on the bed has sufficed.

When I got home from work I called a company that I found in the yellow pages and they sent someone out to take a look. Long story short – I have heat now. Woo Hoo!

And the car? They called me at work and told me that it was the water pump that had shuffled off this mortal coil. I suppose this is what I get for paying off the damn thing.

Transformer for heater: $258
Water pump for SUV: $818
Peace of mind: Priceless.

p.s.- I wasn’t really sweating any results that turned out to be negative. I was using that statement for effect.

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