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Where Nobody Knows Your Name

While I was off for Memorial Day, I went to a part of town I don’t normally go. I ate food at a fast-food place to which I was unfamiliar. I drove down streets in which I was sure to get lost. I waved at neighbors who were unfamiliar to me. I needed to go to a place where nobody knows me.

Then I realized, as I pulled up into my driveway afterward, that nobody knows me here at home. I wave at my neighbors but I don’t really know them.

After yet another rejection, I was feeling a little melancholy. I drove around trying to find myself and my place in this world. I looked all around but couldn’t find myself anywhere. I guess that means I’m lost.

Why is this so difficult? It looks so easy for others and even easier on TV (Yes, I know that TV is not reality). It is at this moment that I tell myself that I’ll be single for the rest of my life. Whatever dreams of a relationship I had were gone. Of course my all time favorite rationalization “I’m done with women”.

Lately my brain has been all over the place and I haven’t been able to focus. Even as I write this, there are about 10 things on my mind – not the least of which is my luck with relationships. It’s like someone is flipping flash cards in my brain… about one ever few seconds, each with a new topic. As soon as my eyes focus on a card – it’s gone, only to be replaced by another topic.

I’ve got to find out what I’m doing or saying wrong. What is it about me that people disagree with? Why are there so many jerks in relationships? Why does it always seem that I’m the right kind of person at the wrong time?

The week after next I’m going to a work-related conference down in Florida. I think I need this time away – for me, for my life – not really for the work aspect. But, it will give me something to focus on other than what’s going on in my life right now. Seeing some new faces… where nobody knows my name.

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