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On the cusp

In doing some reflection on my life, it seems to me that I'm always on the cusp of something bigger. Everyone knows that a 'near miss' is actually a 'hit', I guess I'd be a 'near hit'. I'm always somewhere on the periphery (is that spelled right). Just outside of normal vision.

For some reason, I think about all the weddings to which I 'almost' got invited. I wasn't quite 'there' in terms of getting an invitation so I had to hear about it second-hand. I could make the same case with women, but that's not my focus -- this time.

When I was in high school I did some theater... never playing the lead, always filed under 'chorus', 'extra' or part of an ensemble. Never really in the spotlight, never a solo -- generally a 'supporting cast' kind of guy. In my junior and senior years I tended to lean toward the technical side of the theater. You know, behind the scenes.

Even later in life I was never considered a leader. I took the courses, tried to lead men into battle. Just not cut out for it. I never wanted to have someone else do something I hadn't done before. How could I ask a man to go into battle if I hadn't been there first? It almost seems an age or experience thing.

Later still, I was always supporting the cause I was working toward -- never leading. I stayed in the shadows and watched the other performers as they stood on stage. You're protected in the darkness, it never hurts to be there. If there's a failure, it was the fault of the guy that everyone was watching. This, of course, is a fallacy.

It seems the longer I stay here, the younger they get -- the people I work with, for example. When I traveled with them many months ago, it seemed like I was the 'old guard', that guy who gives advice because he'd been around the block so many times he knew all the turns by heart. I found myself explaining to someone what the "Blue Laws" were, back when you couldn't work on Sunday.

How did this all get started? I read a story today that Aaron Brown is leaving CNN. I remember when he moved from ABC and got his show. Good guy. I don't know what he's going to do next, but Anderson Cooper is taking his time slot. I learned that Anderson Cooper is younger than I am (I guess he's prematurely gray). He looks like he's in his mid to late 40's -- in reality, he's 38. Coincidently, Aaron Brown is 56.

My grandfather was 93 when he passed. Why do batteries in laptops only last 2 hours? I guess the answer is: because they can be re-charged. Like a Turkish towel that you ring out and use again or a piece of paper you keep turning and writing on. You end up with writing in all directions and can't read a word of it.

(what the hell is this guy saying?)

I'm saying that I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

p.s. - The lake had a really nice texture to it this morning. The wind was blowing and just ruffled the surface.

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