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The importance of being spoken-for

Every once in a while you go through an event in your life that restores your faith in humanity. By experiencing this event, you change your philosophy and see all the goodness that abounds in every great frame of this film we're living.

I don't just 'want' one of those events, I 'need' one of those events.

The question is: why? Why do I feel like I need someone in my life? What is wrong with my existence that feels like it needs something else to fill it, to make it whole? Where is this woman? When will she appear? I really want to know.

I keep saying to myself, "You know what... you're done with women. You don't need them". But I do. I don't just need a woman, I want one. There is misery in my life without one. I don't want to drag her through that, I want her to save me from it. Misery, that is...

Reading back through what I've already written, I notice how many times I say "I". Damn straight! In this instance it IS all about me. It IS about what "I" want. I don't just need a woman, I feel like I have to have one. I deserve one. I'd like one... please?

I don't know that I agree with the whole "online dating" thing. It may be for others, but it's not for me. I found a previous relationship that way, one that I thought would work but it didn't. I'm the kind of person who takes quite a while to warm up to someone. I can't just pick a woman off the shelf like I'm going grocery shopping. I'm not so picky (like people say I am) it's just that I have to see a lot of sides to the woman that I'm dating. I have to feel very comfortable in a relationship and -- for me -- that takes a long time.

People always ask me "What kind of a woman are you looking for?" I tell them my specifications and they tell me "Oh, I don't know anybody like that. You're going to have a hard time finding a woman like that". I don't think my specifications are that difficult. I guess that's one of the good things about online dating, you can get all the general information out of the way. You don't have to ask her age or whether she has kids because it's already there in her profile.

The fact of the matter is that I've known a great number of women in my life who could have made me very happy for the rest of my days. The problem comes when SHE has a say in the matter. Pardon my language, but it's like I'm dipped in shit or something. I'm not a bad person -- really!! I always say that I use my powers for good and not evil. I see a lot of unhappy women and I try to help them...

... you know, maybe that's part of my problem: I seem to be attracted to the wrong kind of woman. I definitely have the 'hero complex' and I try to rescue women I see in trouble. All I want is what's coming to me at the end of the 'helping period'. What happens is that I end up restoring their faith in mankind then they leave me. I raise their stock so high that they end up out of my league. Don't women want a good man anymore? I know now that looks are NOT part of a women's specifications. I have seen some butt-ugly men end up with very attractive women.

And then these men treat the woman like crap -- and she comes back for more!! This just cements my theory that women don't want a good man... they'd rather have a man that treats them like garbage. It's my feeling that this is a self-esteem issue.

I'm imprisoned because I don't know how to get around this. Which is why I need my faith in humanity restored. I need to find something that makes me happy. I need to find someONE that makes me happy.

I want to find something that makes me happy. I want to find someone that makes me happy...

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