Down On Ferry Farm

I don’t know why I do it. I don’t know why I torture myself. A couple years ago I signed up for a local dating website. It had the standard items to fill in: what are you like, what do you want in a mate… that kind of thing. I kept my profile up for several days and even added a picture (something I almost never do on a website). A couple days after creating my online persona I go to check the whopping amount of responses I’ve gotten. I log in to find the unfortunate wording: “You have 0 friends” That was a little harsh to read the first time I saw it. I have no friends. There’s no one on this site that found me even REMOTELY interesting. I will remind you that this was a LOCAL website and there weren’t that many people on the site. I realize this is just semantics but isn’t there another way to say you haven’t gotten any responses? Does it have to get personal with the word ‘friends’? I don’t know – I can’t think of a nice way to say it either but just because I can’t think of it doe...

I’d like to tell you a story, but you need to know 2 things first: My brother was, at one time, very much into performing magic. We had an uncle who was into magic and my brother inherited all his old stuff. My parents had a trailer and we went camping almost every weekend that the weather was half-way decent. Okay, that’s the setup, here’s the story. It was determined that the camper’s (that’s the group of people we regularly camped with) were going to have a talent show one of the weekends we were camping. Naturally, my my brother threw his bunny-infested-hat into the ring and ‘volunteered’ me to be his assistant. At that time, David Copperfield was the showman of the hour and one of the devices he used was a magic trick set to music. My brother being a showman, naturally we had to emulate that as well. But what music to use? Well, that’s how I was reminded of this little story. This particular song came up on iTunes this evening for me. We used Herb Alpert’s “Rise”. We practiced and...

Like stepping through a fog, I think I’m finally emerging from this sickness. I finally broke down and saw a doctor because, after two weeks, I couldn’t shake the way I was feeling. It took a little antibiotics, cough medicine and starting over to finally come through it. I have to admit that I don’t feel ‘well’ yet, I just feel like the medicine is suppressing the bad stuff and will appear again when I run out of medicine. I guess I don’t care because I’m feeling a lot better. I like waking up in the morning and NOT feeling like total crap. I like NOT having a crushing headache and stifling body aches. It’s good to have an appetite again. I feel like I’ve lost about 20 pounds because I wasn’t eating anything there for a few days. When I did try and eat something I could only eat less than half. Anyhow, I hope all that is coming to an end. Unfortunately, so did the football season. While I was sleeping 12 to 15 hours a day, 4 months of American football had its championship game as wel...

A little over a month ago, let’s call it end of December, a woman at my work and I were talking about ‘stuff’. We happened upon the topic of vitamins and she admitted that she took a B-complex vitamin that also had ‘C’. She also mentioned that since she’d been taking this combination, no day of sickness had come to her. “Wow”, I thought to myself “no sick days sound good to me”. So the next time I went grocery shopping I picked up the very same formulary. There were 100 pills. “This will last me a little over 3 months”, I thought to myself. I do a lot of thinking to myself. Not a week later and I was sick. Nothing major, just your run-of-the-mill cold. I didn’t miss any work and medicine help me run its course. Fine. I’m usually sick twice year – this is just “one of those times”. No. Not a week later, I’m sick again. Keep in mind I’m still taking these damn B-complex vitamins that smell like compressed grass. This time, it’s a whopper – I miss two days of work. One thing you have to k...

Superbowl 41: Indianapolis Colts vs. Chicago Bears Woo and/or hoo!

Ingredients: - The smile of an attractive woman - One ticking clock - 7 computers that won’t start - 26 Pieces of paper stuck in a copier - The pony-tail of the help desk guy - 9 keys - A standard 102-key computer keyboard - A box fan with 3 speed settings… high, medium and low - One potted plant about the size of your head - 12 broken floor tiles - An ‘ attaboy ’ from someone you admire - 221 small paper clips - 10 gallons of water - 1 iPod - A newspaper that’s already been read - A flashlight with no batteries - One large 4-drawer metal storage cabinet - 13 Manila folders - 13 olive-drab hanging folders - One loudly ringing cell phone - A bistro table with 3 chairs - 142 LTO -2 backup tapes (Purple) - 16 feet of packing tape - 1 ink pen - 34 degree weather - 14 empty jewel case...

One of the things I do a lot lately is read other people’s blogs. I have stumbled upon one that reminds me that I have not lived. I learned this many years ago when some co-workers and I were standing around discussing ‘star sightings’ at a company Christmas party. I’ve never had what I consider to be a star sighting. That somehow moved into stories of broken bones. There was a slight pause as they looked at me. “I’ve never broken any bones”, I tell them. “What’s the worst car accident you’ve seen?” I haven’t seen any – haven’t even been in a car that’s been hit. That flowed into a conversation about being in the back of a stretch limo. I sighed before letting them know, “I’ve never been in the back of a stretch limo”. I had taken a quick ride in what was considered a limo but was basically a very nice towne car with one of the back seats facing toward the rear of the vehicle. I have not lived. I got to thinking about all the things I’d never done. I’ve never taken a vacation by myself...

I’ve had a very weird beginning to this year. While I was supposed to have a three-day weekend, I ended up not having any of the days off. I (along with others in my team) was in the office with a non-working production system. We worked both Friday and Saturday very late night, most of the afternoon Sunday, and only a few hours on Monday. For a good part of Sunday and all the rest of the week I was carrying a cold with me. I really don’t like having a cold – have I mentioned that before? It makes it even more difficult when you have to work through days like that. I finally got my heat issue resolved. They replaced the breaker in the electrical panel but it was still tripping. They finally ended up running a whole new wire between the electrical panel and the air unit up in the attic. As soon as everything was said and done, the weather turns to 75 degrees and there’s no need for the heat to come on. Isn’t that the way it always ends up? Here it is Saturday and I’m trying recoup from ...

I did something last night that I can’t remember if I’ve ever done before – I went out with a married woman. It was nice but, before you ask, it did not have a “happy ending”. With that being said, I could tell it was going to be really comfortable because I was so relaxed. Usually I’m uptight before going out for the evening but I was calm. I think I knew beforehand how the evening would go and it went according to plan. We had dinner at a very nice restaurant in town. I had been there several times but she hadn’t been before. Had a good dinner and great conversation. Laughed, drank and ate. As things were winding down I suggested we go somewhere else to get a drink and she agreed. We ended up going down the street to an Irish pub that I wanted to check out. It was nice and cozy. We sat at the bar and talked, laughed, and drank some more. I got a little tipsy myself and had to ‘bring it down’ toward the end of the night. All in all it was a really great night without any sexual tensio...

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a pretty interesting life. I have been to several parties, I have been out a couple times with friends and I’ve had some decent weekends – just have them blown away by Monday morning. Sound familiar? I had the same complaint about my last job. Let’s just say that the honeymoon is over, the kid gloves have come off and all the real problems are starting. There are 4 of us in my ‘team’ that deal with network problems and servers. We recently inherited a few systems that have fallen apart, which has made our lives oh so fulfilled… trust me. It wouldn’t bother me if it had sort of crept up on us but all of them blind-sided us and we had to scramble to learn the business model for the servers and their function in the whole scheme of things. Meanwhile, everyone is staring at us thinking we’re the experts (which we are, I mean – c’mon) but at that moment we look pretty stupid. We’re just now getting to the point where things are starting to stabilize. E...

"Hi" p.s. - I'll write more soon.

I want the people who create TV to heed my list. Stop: - Saying “we’ll be right back with more of your show” and then rolling credits. That amounts to bait-and-switch. - Creating crappy ‘Reality TV’ programs. The few that have come out that people consider are good are novelties. I like drinking water but I don’t want it shoved down my throat constantly. And, you know what? There’s NO reality in them. - Letting good TV shows go away by switching them from time-slot to time-slot. - Putting everything on Thursday night. You’re asking me to record something on my VCR, my TiVo and then watch a third show. There are OTHER nights of the weekday, you know… - Tweaking shows. Jeez, I hate that! When something works don’t futz with it. They DON’T need a cute kid or crazy neighbor to make the show better – write better material! - Dumbing down TV. There are people who read ‘the funnies’ and there are others that read the Wall Street Journal. Learn to distinguish which is which. - Thinking that th...

Sometimes, it’s all about the moments in life. I’ve learned over the years that ‘moments’ mean something different to everyone. For TV announcers, when they say: “We’ll be back in a moment” – they mean 4 minutes. Most everyone else thinks of a ‘moment’ as that time that she looks at you, you look at her and you just … know. It’s a moment. There are other moments as well. When your kids are born, that moment you think about saying “I do” on the altar, and that time between when the photographer say “cheese” and the picture is taken. That’s a moment. There are also bad moments. That car crash that keeps playing over in slow motion in your head. The moment the phone rings and you just get this chill that tells you the news will not be good. That moment between the knock on the door and when the door is open – and you weren’t expecting anyone. I’m sure you can think of other moments and that’s what I’m talking about – the moments that make up our lives. It’s all about the moment.

The car saga seems to be over. A week later, I finally got my vehicle returned to me. Seems to be running just fine. It feels really weird driving it again – where the brake and gas pedals are and the angle of the steering wheel. I was in such a small car I could barely fit in it. The crummy thing about it is that the folks who fixed it used up all my gas. I had a little more than half a tank when I dropped it off and it was almost empty when I got it back. Anyhow, that should wrap up my car problems for a while. I was looking for an MP3 version of the classic Billie Holiday song “Strange Fruit”… but the version I was looking for had Sting crooning this deeply moving warbler. Okay, I didn’t find the Sting version but I found several others by notable artists such as ‘Siouxsie & The Banshees’, ‘Tori Amos’ and ‘Nina Simone’. I was looking for this song because of its haunting melody but S&TB version sounded like an awful 80’s remake of the song. Lots of strings and terrible elong...

Tuesday – It is my familial duty to purchase the turkey for our Thanksgiving get-together each year. Usually I had my pick of full-fledged turkeys at work but I don’t have that job anymore. My mother also mentioned that having a whole turkey is a waste and she’d rather deal with turkey breasts. Anyhow, I go Tuesday night to pick them up. By the time I get to the grocery store, all they have left is frozen turkey breasts. I buy them in hopes this is okay (turns out, it is – lucky break). I drive them over to my parents so they can be cooked for Thursday’s dinner. I’m driving away from my parent’s place and I notice that the temperature of the vehicle is running rather hot. It’s raining like a son of a bitch and the wind is howling like crazy. I’m several miles away from my parent’s house and I see some steam rising from the hood. The car starts running a little rough. More smoke rising. Uh-oh… better pull over. I pull into a Wendy’s parking lot and raise the hood. It’s still pouring bu...

For some reason I’ve been thinking about childhood recently. I’ve had a very stressful week and I suppose I’m regressing. I also heard the Queen of England was coming to Jamestown in 2007. It reminded me of the countless times my family and I camped in Jamestown. My parents had a single mother for a friend and I hung out with her son, Bobby. At the campground was a row of about 8 phones (heaven knows why…). Anyhow, I’d stand at the last phone and tell Bobby the number. He’d get the operator on the line and make a collect call to that number. The phone I was standing in front of would ring. “Will you accept a collect call from Bobby?” the operator said. “Yes I will”. Obviously, this is in the days before they could verify that the number being called wasn’t a pay phone. Another time, a group of us had gotten Bobby to lay down on a picnic table near the back of the campground (in the ‘spooky’ part of the place) with only flashlights to illuminate our faces. We got him to believe we could...

I can’t believe it. I’m back. After a long drought I’m back to some creative writing. I’m sitting here downloading songs and it just comes to me. I used to love that feeling of having inspiration strike and let it flow through you. After having said that, you’re really not going to like what I’ve written but this one speaks to me on a couple of levels. It was inspired by 2 specific events that happened this week. One was by an action taken by Superman, which I really don’t need to discuss. I’m actually proud he took the step and – well, maybe pride is not called for, but – I’m happy for him. The other event happened to me. Honestly, the actual event hasn’t happened but it’s been discussed. It’s only been discussed by one of the members of the event. Confused? It’s about something I wish would happen, I’d like to happen but shouldn’t happen. Prepare your jaws to drop: it’s about an affair with a married woman. {gasp!} I know what you’re thinking. I can see that sly smile on your face. “...

A few years ago I tried to write something called “The Maintenance Manifesto”. The basic premise was that everything in our lives needs maintenance. The problem is that there are so many things that could be applied that it spun out of control. I even tried to just apply it to my life and I could see it being larger than an unabridged dictionary. Here’s an example of where I was going: You get up in the morning, woken by an alarm clock that is plugged into the wall and powered by electricity that you pay for every month. You bought those sheets at Sears with money from a job in which you are paid for doing some kind of service. The money you made also pays for the breakfast that you eat and every light you turn on. You must maintain your current lifestyle. You must shop for groceries to maintain your current level of health. You need to appear at your job and maintain your current pay. You need to lock your doors so that the things you’ve bought aren’t stolen. You need to cut your gras...

Have you ever gotten one of those ‘questionnaires’ from a close, personal friend? You know, the ones that ask about your favorite color, whether you prefer Coke or Pepsi, and details about your most embarrassing moment. In certain situations I’m a liberal and in some I’m a conservative. I get to pick-and-choose which situations are which. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why you would want to know if I’ve ever been in a car accident, gone nude in public or had a sex dream of someone I really didn’t like. Why would you want to know this? Morbid curiosity? If you were truly my friend, you would probably know these things about me already and there would be no need for you to ask. If you want to know something about me, just ask and I’ll ignore your request later. I also don’t understand about paparazzi. What would make an average (at best) photographer take a long-lens shot of a movie star having a private moment? Mind your own friggin’ business! What’s worse is that these people ...

I laughed at this. I wasn't going to put this on my blog, but I've set a precedent so I figured it was okay. Do you know the name Thomas F. Wilson... no? How about -- the guy who played Biff Tannen in the "Back To The Future" trilogy? Now you're ready. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y